


Something Like 'Okay'

by Chimera Manticore (chimeral_colors)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (shrug emoji), Angst, M/M, i hc taako pity dated sazed for a bit and it was super abusive so, just to be clear this isnt a taazed fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 10:42:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimeral_colors/pseuds/Chimera%20Manticore
Summary: "We ran as soon as the first person got sick. I told Sazed to get in the driver seat and we just drove. We just drove for two days straight before we stopped to look back.""And I think at the first chance that he got, like, the first settlement you got to after that-""He abandoned me. Absolutely. Yeah. I assumed because he didn’t want to be associated with somebody who could do something like that."-TAZ Episode 48Taako gets left behind.





	Something Like 'Okay'

**Author's Note:**

> -Obviously warning for Sazed and the shithole he is  
> -Warning for abuse  
> -Warning for a shit ton of death (not actually described in the fic, just mentioned though)  
> -Taako exhibits a lotta mentally unhealthy traits, like intrusive thoughts, a panic attack, and splitting just a little in this, so if that's gonna cause any of those to happen for you, ya might not wanna read  
> -Warning for a quick mention of self harm  
> -Sorry theres so many warnings in this Taako's not okay and I feel bad for putting him through this enjoy the fic

Taako was still in disbelief. It hadn’t all caught up to him yet. He was currently in a wagon with Sazed, driving off at top speed away from the _Sizzle It Up! With Taako_ studio in Glamour Springs. If they were lucky, they’d get out before any cops came. If they were luckier, the cops wouldn’t find them at all. But then again, there wasn’t much anyone left to call the cops to begin with.

They were all dead.

Taako had killed all of them.

As soon as the first person got sick, Taako had gotten Sazed to pack up all their things and they drove off, not looking back. It’d been two days since then, and they hadn’t stopped yet. Taako had been staring out the back of the wagon for a while now, watching the sunset and trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts running wild in his head.

 _Murderer,_ they said. _You killed them all. You’re a filthy murderer. You deserve worse than this guilt. You should be dead with them. You should die just as horrible a death as them. You’re a disgusting, horrible person._

“How far are we?” Taako asked Sazed, who’d been driving.

“Pretty far now,” Sazed replied. “I don’t think they’ll catch up with us at this rate. You’re fucking lucky for that, you know.”

“I know…” Taako mumbled. “Thank you so much for helping me, Sazed. I dunno what-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Taako bit his lip to shut himself up. He was talking too much. Sazed didn’t like it when he spoke too much. He should stop. He felt the wagon begin to slow, and he turned to face its driver.

“We’re stopping?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Sazed said. “I think we’re safe for now. We can stop here for the night.”

“A-are you sure?” Taako pressed, standing. “I can drive if you-”

“Taako, you just poisoned a whole town without even realizing it,” Sazed said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you think I should trust you with driving a wagon while I sleep?”

“I… No,” Taako conceded.

“Finally thinking for once, huh?” Sazed said, ruffling up Taako’s hair as he walked to the back of the wagon. He untied the knot holding up the canvas to the back of the wagon, letting it fall and a shadow cast over the two.

“We’ll sleep in here tonight,” he told Taako, setting his bag down to use as a pillow.

“I- Okay,” Taako replied, taking his own bag and dropping it on the floor of the wagon next to Sazed’s.

“What are you doing?” Sazed asked.

“I’m… Aren’t we sleeping here?”

“Not so close, you dingbat.”

“Oh. Right, yeah.” He picked up his bag and moved it closer to the other side of the wagon. Taako lied down and watched Sazed do the same, facing away from Taako.

“Good night, Sazed,” Taako piped up after a moment. Sazed didn’t reply. Taako felt his heart sink a little. Sazed always did this, but it still hurt. They were supposed to be equals, they were supposed to have mutual respect and love or whatever the fuck this was.

“...I love you, Sazed,” he tried. Still nothing. He watched the back of Sazed’s head for a minute or so before flipping over onto his right side and closing his eyes. Things would be okay soon enough, he told himself. They’d make it to the next town in about a dozen miles, and they’d get a place to stay, and they’d figure things out, and everything would be okay. Or at least, something like ‘okay.’

***

Taako woke up with a stiff back and a crick in his neck. He didn’t get much rest last night; the wagon wasn’t really built for a comfortable sleep. Even when he did manage to fall asleep, it was restless, and he ended up waking up a dozen times to try and get comfortable again. He sat up, groaning, and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“Sazed, what time is it?” He asked. There was no reply. “Sazed?” He repeated, turning to face him now.

Sazed was gone.

“Sazed?” Taako said, wide awake now. Sazed’s stuff wasn’t there either. “Sazed?” He poked his head out of the front of the wagon, looking left, then right. “Sazed. Sazed?” Nothing in either direction. “Sazed!” He climbed out of the wagon, walking around to the back. “Sazed!?” He was nowhere to be found.

Taako’s head began to spin, a thousand thoughts flying through his head at once. He couldn’t have left, could he? He wouldn’t do that. He could be kinda shitty at times, yeah, but he wouldn’t… He wouldn’t just abandon Taako, right? He was just going back to get something they dropped a mile back, right?

“Sazed!?” Taako shouted, starting to panic. “Sazed!” He didn’t just leave. He couldn’t have just left. He wouldn’t have. _“Sazed!”_ Taako felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, he was dependent on Sazed. He needed Sazed. He didn’t know anything other than him. He couldn’t remember anything other than him. Sazed would’ve been able to help him, would’ve been able to get him out of this safe and alive. He needed Sazed too much. So, so much…

“Sazed, _please!”_ He cried, balling up his fists and unballing them again nervously. He was gone. Sazed was gone. Taako was alone. He was all alone.

Taako suddenly realized something. The wagon felt emptier when he woke up than it had last night. “Fuck, the food,” he breathed, running back over to the wagon.

The food was gone.

Taako ran to the back of the wagon, opening up a chest. Inside there should have been a bag full of gold pieces- they were supposed to use it to rent out a place in the next town.

The bag was gone.

Taako leapt out of the wagon and around to the back on the other side, fighting away tears the whole time. At the very least, he would have fuel to get to the next town on his own, right? He threw open the trunk-

The trunk was empty.

The fuel was gone.

“Th-the fucker..!” He shouted. “Fuck!” Taako couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t say he’d been abandoned, especially not by someone he trusted so much. He felt dizzy, he felt sick. He considered sitting down when he felt something hit his leg. It was a promo sign for _Sizzle It Up! With Taako._ It had fallen out of the wagon in his rush, and Taako stared down at it for a minute, stared down at his own wide smile staring back at him. It almost felt like it was mocking him.

“I… Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” A wave of anger hit him suddenly. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t hurt anyone, there was no one around. He couldn’t hurt himself, he had nothing to do so with (aside from the fact he was trying to stay clean of that lately to begin with). He picked up the sign, raised it high above his head, and brought it down on his knee, snapping it in half.

Taako fell to his knees, part from the sick feeling getting worse and part from the new empty feeling he’d just noticed. Sazed had left him. He’d taken all the food and the money and the resources and just fucking left him. He felt the anger swell up in him again, and without much thought, he raised his fists and brought them down hard onto the sand beneath him.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He punched the ground again and again with each swear. “The fucker! Fuck! Sazed! Fuck! Fuck! He fucking! Left me! Fuck! Fuck! _Fuck!”_ His pounding was becoming more erratic now, more distressed. He bent over, resting his forehead on his fists, and screamed. A loud, anguished, scream. He didn’t want to accept the fact that he was alone. He didn’t want to accept the fact he’d been abandoned, even though he was well aware of it by now. The tears pricking the corners of his eyes began to stream out, falling down his face and onto the ground below.

The realization began to slowly dawn on Taako that Sazed wasn’t really a good guy to begin with. He’d let himself be kicked around by this guy for almost two years now, and for what? So he could pity-date him? So he could give and give and keep giving Sazed what he wanted only for it all to get spit back in his face? To think of all the shit he gave up for him; to think of all the times he’d trusted him and gotten nothing in return. This wasn’t any different. This was just another case of Sazed being the asshole he was. Why didn’t Taako realize any of that until now? He felt hopeless. He felt useless. He felt like shit, to put it simply.

“Th-the fucker left me,” he said. “The fucker f... _fucking_ left me. Shit. Shit…”

After a minute or so more like this, Taako seemed to get himself together again and sat up, tucking his knees to his chest. He looked around at the desert surrounding him, at the town off in the distance. His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since him and Sazed had fled Glamour Springs, and there was nothing he could do about it here, since all the food was gone anyway.

“Shit,” he hissed. “Shit. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Ass. Damn. Bitch. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He was starting to panic again. He pressed a hand up against his temple, trying to ease the dizzy feeling. “Okay, okay. Okay,” he told himself, resting against the front of the wagon.

“Okay, Taako,” he said to himself, “you can sit here and cry about shit for the rest of the day, or you can pick up and get to the next town. It’s okay, it’s only, what? Twelve miles from here? That’s not so bad.” He stood, walking towards the wagon. “You can take the cart and- Fuck, wait, I can’t, he took the gas.” He turned, leaning against the wagon as to not fall over again. “Okay, okay. You… you don’t have that much stuff to carry. You can just… walk. It’s not too far. You can get there and get a place to stay- wait, no. He took the money. I-” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a pouch. He opened it up; inside was about a hundred gold pieces.

“Okay, okay, better. You got enough to find a cheap inn and a bit of food.” He stood up straighter now, no longer needing the support of the wagon behind him. “From then on you can… I dunno. You’re famous or something. People like famous people. People will probably be willing to help you out a little. A free meal here, an extra night at the inn there. Just a little, uh, Taako charm or whatever it is you have, and people will automatically have boners and want to throw your money at you.” He chuckled to himself. “Yeah, yeah. You can get a job. What am I good at again? Fuckin’- cooking. Yeah. I’m good at that. I can be an actual chef, how about that? I can do that. I can- yeah. Yeah.”

As Taako began to pack up his things and get ready for the long trip ahead, he felt the panic in his mind begin to settle. His chaotic thoughts subsided, and though the self-loathing remained, he figured he could deal with it all later. He knew things would be okay soon enough. He’d make it to the next town, and get a place to stay, and he’d figure things out, and everything would be okay.

Or at least, something like ‘okay.’


End file.
